the forensick archives

09.07.05 - You know youre from Jersey if...... - reptillikus

Got this in an email. Its so true its disturbing.

You're from Jersey if:

You don't think of fruit when people mention "The Oranges".

You know that it's called Great Adventure, not Six Flags.

A good, quick breakfast is a hard roll with butter.

You've known the way to Seaside Heights since you were seven.

You've eaten at a Diner, when you were stoned or drunk, at 3 a.m.

You remember that the "Two Guys" were from Harrison.

You know that the state isn't one big oil refinery.

At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen and you know the town Jon Bon Jovi is from.

You know what a "jug handle" is.

You know that WaWa is a convenience store.

You know that the state isn't all farmland.

You know that there are no "beaches" in New Jersey - there's "The Shore". And you don't go "to the shore", you go "down the Shore". And when you are there, you're not "at the shore", you are "down the Shore".

Even your school cafeteria made good Italian subs. And it's a Sub, not a submarine sandwich or worse yet, a hoagy, a hero, or a grinder.

You remember the song from the Palisades Park commercials.

You know how to properly negotiate a Circle.

You knew that the last sentence had to do with driving.

You know that this is the only "New..." state that doesn't require "New" to identify it (like, try...Mexico, ...York, ...Hampshire; doesn't work, does it?)

You only go to New York City for day trips, and you call it "The City".

You know that a "White Castle" is the name of BOTH a fast food chain AND a fast food sandwich.

You consider putting mayo on a corned beef sandwich a sacrilege.

You don't think "What exit" is very funny.

You know that the first "strip shopping center" in the country was on Route 22.

You know that people from the 609 area code are "a little different".

You know that no respectable New Jerseyan goes to Princeton - that's for out-of-staters.

The Jets-Giants game has started fights at your school or local bar.

You live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls.

You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers.

Every year, you had a least one kid in your class named Tony.

You know the location of every clip shown in the Sopranos opening credits.

You've gotten on the wrong highway trying to get out of the mall.

You know that people from North Jersey go to Seaside Heights, people from Central Jersey go to Belmar and people from South Jersey go to Wildwood. It can be no other way.

You were not raised in New Jersey. You were raised in either North Jersey, Central Jersey or South Jersey.

You don't consider Newark or Camden to actually be part of the state.
You remember the stores Korvette's, Two Guys, Rickel's, Channel, Bamburger's, and Orbach's.

You've had a Boardwalk cheese steak and vinegar fries.

You start planning for Memorial Day the first weekend in February.

You've NEVER, NEVER pumped your own gas.

04.07.05 - life; and the lack of time that comes with it - reptillikus

So it seems ive been neglecting this site pretty badly for the last year or so now. Well, i guess priorites change over time, and its no longer at the top of the list. Actually, its closer to the bottom these days. My main time killer has been the trucks. Too many projects going on, and not enough time to get through em all. Fortunately, we are slimming the herd and cleaning house, but it still takes alot of time to do so. Then theres the trip to Va last month, having to rebuild the trans on dawn's explorer, driving dawn to/from work/school while doing so, installing the shackle reversal on the diesel (i spent most of the day today polishing the rims for it too), setting down the new pavers in the yard, tiling the bathroom, then the Sounds of the Underground show saturday, the trailer project me & dad are tackling, the list goes on and on. In fact, i havent even run the bronco since may, and who knows when ill get to again. Got a shitload of parts for it here too, and havent been able to get to any of them.
Actually, that brings me to another thing. It seems i hit my disk quota again (675mbs) for the site about two months ago. Well, i wasnt quite sure what to do, because i already upgraded the site once, and to do so again would be a big jump in price. Fortunately, with the spring cleaning mentioned previously, i was able to delete a few sections of the now-reigning 4x4 subdomain, which cleared up some room, but it was only a temporary fix. Last month, much to my dismay, i hit it again. Didnt even catch it right away, it wasnt till i went to post in the forum when i realized it had happened. So with nothing else left to delete in the 4x4 section, i had to dip into the main site & delete some of the downloads. This is where things are going to change.
The focus of the site has drastically changed. It used to be a boring rant site w/ some other stupid shit over to the left, and that was pretty much it. Well, since i need alot more file space to continue along the path that id rather continue (the 4x4 section), im going to have to delete some stuff. Specifially, its going to be everything thats not mine. Which means all the fonts/downloads/wallpapers/etc that are not specifially mine will be removed, along with their appropriate sections. That will free up enough room for me to stash images & stuff for the subdomain for another 6 months to a year before the site is full again. Once that happens i will probably split the two sites into two seperate domains. But, thats down the road a bit yet. In the mean time, enjoy the downloads while you can, cause by the end of july they will be gone forever!

13.05.05 - Cruise Night! - reptillikus

So tuesday night was Raceway Park's very first Cruise Night. Well, after some coaxing about 3 months ago, my buddy kev from Kodiak convinced em to have a 4x4 obstacle course!
Well, they agreed, and the search went for stuff to put it together.
This turned out to be easier than expected, as the track still had all the old concrete pieces from when they ripped up the old starting line. Also, Paul's jobsite had a ton of concrete tyubes that were going to be crushed, so we got free reign of those, too! After a few days of working the crew came up with this:
1|2|3|4

it turned out to be quite the obstacle, as 7 or 8 trucks of the 15 or so than ran it broke something while on there. I got to run it, and was fortunately one of the half who didnt break anything.

the turnout for the show was quite good, especially considering that it was the first cruise night theyve done. Not sure the # of lifted trucks, id have to guess about 40 or so. the car side filled in alot quicker, with easily over 100-150. the best part though, was that most of the people who were there were watching the 4x4 course instead of the cars running the strip!

me & bryan ended up taking a ton of pics. Almost 300, actually! way too many to post here on the main page. If you have the time, check em out, theres some good ones, i promise!I have them all online, and you can view them here

09.03.05 - Just having some pun... - reptillikus

Don't be a carbon copy of someone else. Make your own impression.

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.

The best vitamin for making friends is B1.

Break a bad habit -- drop it.

Patience is counting down without blasting off.

Patience requires a lot of wait.

Minds are like parachutes: they function only when open.

To keep your mind clean and healthy, change it every once in a while.

You can have an open mind without having a hole in your head.

Big shots are only little shots that keep on shooting.

One thing you can give and still keep is your word.

A diamond is a chunk of coal that made good under pressure.

If the going gets easy, you're probably going downhill.

If you have to cry over spilled milk, please condense it.

Don't be afraid to go out on a limb, that's where the fruit is.

Read the Bible -- it will scare the hell out of you.

The Ten Commandments are not multiple choice.

Failure is the path of least persistence.

Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try a grin.

People who never make a mistake never make anything else.

When you feel yourself turning green with envy, you're ripe to be picked.

A smile doesn't cost a cent, but it gains a lot of interest.

Having a sharp tongue can cut your own throat.

He who throws mud loses ground.

Hug your kids at home, but belt them in a car.

Fear is the darkroom where negatives are developed.

Humans are like steel. When they lose their tempers, they are worthless.

Don't learn safety rules by accident.

There are two finishes for autombiles -- lacquer and liquor.

Learn from the nail. Its head keeps it from going too far.

Frogs have it easy. They can eat what bugs them.

There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos.

Birds have bills too, but they keep on singing.

Be like a horse with some horse sense -- stable thinking and the ability to say "neigh."

Be like a dog biting its tail. Make both ends meet.

Be like a beaver. Don't get stumped; just cut things down to size.

Be like an owl. Be wise but still give a hoot.

Be like the woodpecker. Keep pecking away until you finish the job.

08.02.05 - Cars suck - Bryan

so i'm driving home from work yesterday, and as i approach my house, i see we have company. I park my truck in the street knowing that within the hour i'll be leaving for an adventure in IHOP. walked from the truck to the garage door, don't even get it open half way and BAM. what the fuck was that i'm thinkin. i look around, sounds like a car accident, but i don't see any cars. i walk towards the street thinking it was at the corner right next to the house. oh, but it wasn't it was in front of my house. in back of my truck.
some bastard drove his (what i believe is a mid 90's champagne colored oldsmobile or GM equivilent front-wheel drive car, four door, with dual black pin stripes down the side and steel wheels with silver plastic hubcaps) car into the back of mine. AND KEPT ON ROCKIN. he left behind his passenger side-view mirror, door trim, most of the plastic outer fenderwell, most of the plastic inner fenderwell, parts of his front headlight assembly, parts of a hubcap, and random other plastic peices. now, i look at my truck, and see a flat tire. tore a big ass hole into the sidewall of my rear driverside. no other apparent damage. i didn't see any car, didn't see him hit my truck, didn't see him get away. only know what kinda car it is from the large pile of plastic left behind.
i decided not to call the police, because the tires weren't that good anyway, and were going to be replaced. i didn't really feel like talking to them anyway. i figured they would've given me a hard time about the truck itself. since it's jacked up and everything. but then i make my morning commute to the deli today to get some coffee before work and i see that the truck isnt driving straight. and then i can hear a banging.

as it turns out, the rear axle took such a hard hit that it blew a hole in the sidewall, bent the aluminum rim a little (i think i can fix it), and pushed the front bushing on the spring up into the frame. it actually caved the spring hanger into the frame. the rear axle is crooked so bad that it pulls to the left real hard, and the driveshaft is hitting the gas tank.

so i can't even drive the truck now which sucks ass.

plus i still can't beleive this dude didn't even stop. he just kept on goin. people today should all be shot.

05.02.05 - rigs suck - reptillikus

So tuesday im crusin along, on my way out to Flemington to pick up a set of 36" Iroks.
Well, i never made it there that night.

I was getting on Rt9N at the Amboy Cinemas when the unexpected occured: a rig came blaring down the road and swerved towards my truck! Now, this onramp isnt one of the better one onto Rt9. Actually, its probably one of the worst. You merge right into the right lane, its a short merger, and there is no shoulder whatsoever. And its right at the bottom of an overpass, so visibility is limited. So when he came tearing ass thru my lane, i had two options. Option #1 was to hit tim and his trailer hauling some form of heavy equipment (bulldozer i think), which i wasnt really interested in doing, or Option #2, i had to swerve to the right. So i swerved.
The diesel jumped the curb and came to a stop about 40' after i entered. Luckily i narrowly avoided hitting the guardrail that was set back about 3' from the curb.
As soon as i came to a stop i could hear the familiar sound of a tire losing all its air. So i slap on the hazards and run around the truck to see what happened. I bent a rim,! The tire was still seated, so i figured id back out of the snowbank, and ride it flat about 100' till i got to the entrance for the movie theatre. So i locked the hubs, jumped in, put it in reverse, grabbed the wheel, and spun it! The wheel that is. Funny, last time i checked the wheel should turn the tires! So i hopped back out and thats when i saw the real carnage- i bent the draglink, and sheared the sector shaft (in the steering box) in half! So now im screwed. I got a truck in the snow, with the tires pointed away from the road, i cant turn em, and one is going flat!
So i had to call AAA and have them come out to tow me to safety. Well, due to the fact that i was in an 'unsafe zone' (ie, bad traffic area) they dispatched a truck ASAP. So after a quick 20 minutes or so a shiny '05 F450 towtruck shows up to get me out. So i back out of the drift, and he swings in to pick the front end of the truck up. So he grabs it, moves the truck over, repositions the arm, and picks it up a secnd time. This time he's got it. Unfortunately, the diesel weighs a bit much. Ok, it weighs alot. The F450s rear dropped down, and the front end went up! He pulled me off the highway but quickly had to pull over. Seems the diesel weighs too much to haul w/ a normal towtruck! So he lowered it down and left to go get the big flatbed!
So after about a halfhour we get back w/ a big ole International Flatbed, load it up and bring her home!

The next morning i took off from work, replaced the steering box, attempted to straighten the draglink in the press, and ordered new rims for the truck.
Cue five days later, and finally (after many shipping problems) i have the rims i ordered! On they go, but it seems the centercaps just aint big enough to clear the one-ton hubs, so theyre getting me different ones that will. It would appear that im going to need a front-end alignment afterall- not only is the wheel pointed 90� to the left, but id swear it pulls to the left a bit too.

The new rims, installed on the truck. They are Ultra En4cer rims, 16.5*9.75. Finally, i have a set of rims that fit my tires!

24.01.05 - life is tough - reptillikus

How do these people survive?

ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

TWO I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."

FOUR I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

SIX I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

SEVEN My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

EIGHT Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

NINE A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine. The mother says, "I just gave him some ant killer....." Dispatcher: "Rush him in to emergency!"

Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid.

13.12.04 - Lava Lamp: The new Threat - reptillikus

Lava Lamps: Nifty decoration...
...or Weapons of Mass Destruction?

Yes, thats right. Unbeknownst to you commoners Lava Lamps are quite lethal, and could strike at any moment. Who would suspect a fancy lava lamp as something with malicious intent?
Well certaintly not Philip Quinn, who was mercilessly slaughtered by his own lamp as he stood unaware at his stove. No one can say quite what happened to this poor individual, or why he didnt question his lamp for hangng out around the stove, but unfortunately the lamp killed itself after commiting this heinous crime and so the police were unable to question it.
The Police are currently researching any and all shards of evidence to determine the reasoning behind this, to hopefully prevent any further occurences of tragedies such as this.

source

25.11.04 - turkey day! - reptillikus

Twas the night after Thanksgiving
I just couldn't sleep,
I tried counting backwards,
I tried counting sheep.

The leftovers beckoned -
the dark meat and white,
but I fought the temptations
with all of my might.

Tossing and turning with anticipation,
the thought of a snack was infatuation.
So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door,
and gazed at the fridge, full of goodies galore.

I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
"til all of a sudden, I rose off the ground.

I crashed through the ceiling,
floating into the sky,
with a mouthful of pudding
and handful of pie.

But, I managed to yell
as I soared past the trees...
Happy eating to all -
pass the cranberries, please.

May your stuffing be tasty,
may your turkey be plump,
may your 'tater 'n gravy have narry a lump.

May your yams be delicious,
may your pies take the prize,
may your holiday dinner stay off of your thighs.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

18.10.04 - days of birth (a celebration of) - reptillikus

So as some of you know, yesterday was my birthday. Now, normally im not one to announce it (or even talk about it) but yesterday was just ridiculous.
I got up with the intention of testing the glow plugs in the truck to see why the damn thing wont start in the cold. As im looking up the test procedure on that & a few other things, my monitor just shuts off. Cant get the blasted thing to turn back on!
Now, i had been having problems with the graphics card for the past three days, so i figured that it finally kicked the bucket, and thats why the monitor shut off. Wrong!
We pulled the cover off to take a look at it, see if maybe the fuse popped but it was ok. No noticeable burnt components, so i let it sit for a bit and then plugged it into the server box. Nothing! So now i have no graphics cardor monitor. Tack that in with a broken printer & scanner, and i pratcially dont have anything that does work! So now i dont know whats wrong with the truck, and have no way to look up any diagnostics.
So with two tasks down the drain i ended up continuing sheetrocking the bathroom instead. I did get a couple cool dvds, & a stuffed version of Meatwad from AquaTeen Hunger Force though.

So anyway, today i took the cash i got for my bday, and went out and bought a new graphics card, monitor & an additional case fan. so now im (relatively) up to date in the graphics dept, and i got a sweet flat screen!

16.09.04 - who cares about the other 364� anyway - reptillikus

so today is the magic day.
today marks the 4 year anniversary of t:f:r.
i thought about doing some major rehash to the site just for today, but other things got in the way. I will say that changes are coming, though. For starters, i have to update the downloads section. Most, if not all, of the downloads will be going, and soon. Its been years since i uploaded them, and almost all of them are horribly out-dated. They need to go. The winamp skins will be going, seeing as they are for Ver.2.x, and winamp is now on Ver.5. The photoshop plugins will most likely stay (might trim it down), as will the fonts. Actually, i have more fonts to upload as soon as i get the time to make the graphics for them. I was recently informed that some of the fonts pages have dead links in them, so i will fix those when i upload the new fonts (around two dozen).
Ratslayr recently introduced me to a new blog script which i am considering acquiring and configuring to replace the one currently in use. This wont happen for a couple months though, as i intend to research it further before i decide if im going to use it or not.
In the mean time, i already started designing a new stylesheet for the site, which i am eventually going to implement across the whole site. Right now it only controls this particular frame, although soon it will cover everything. i started working on it months ago, got frustrated by the ridiculous amount of pages id have to reformat, stopped, and then, well....i forgot. So ill probably start working on that again soon. Once that happens, this particular font will be increased in size, amongst other minor things.
I need to update the link section. Like, seriously. by now half of those links i either dont go to, orare probably dead now. Ill probably end up just removing the page for a few days while i reorganize it. But that wont happen till i reorganize the links i have stored on my computer.
Also, the visual section is going to get an update. A friend wrote a gallery script for me which ive been using very successfully on the subdomain for some time now. I intended to bring it over here once i finished modifying it to fit this theme, which is now done. So soon that will be updated, as there are alot of pics online that havent been added in the past year or so. The wallpapers section will be re-done. Probably every one that wasnt made by me will be removed, and ill upload the 10-15 or so ive made since the last update.
So stay tuned! More is on the way.

	09.12.04 - R.I.P. - reptillikus
	check the story here rest in peace darrell!

	15.09.04 - archive test - reptillikus
	fixed the archiver.