07.05.02 - How to Turn your 4 door Suv into a Land based B-17 fortress - Elfstomper

If the movie memphis belle taught me anything, It taught me that the B-17 flying fortress was the most bad ass plane in the sky. It had bombs, it had guns , and it had balls. It would boast a crew of like 12 guys, 2 guys flew, 1 guy bombed 1 guy operated the radio, all the rest operated .30-.50 claiber machine guns. Whenever I would see pictures of this plane, I thought only of Domination.
The idea of the b-17 came back into my mind the otherday. Ever since becoming a brother of a fraternity, i realized that all the other groups located around school, are not just organizations, but are enemy organizations. Diffrent fraternities, the football team ,the swim team,and the student government for example all are enemys.
What can you do to smite these enemys? (Get your B-17 Elf!) well unfortunatly, I dont own a B-17 , but I have an SUV!

Heres where the magic of paintball guns can transform your SUV into B-17 land warrior.
1. first you will need a crew. For a 4-door suv with a sunroof, a crew of 6 will be needed, 7 optional.
2. paintguns - you can use whatever you would like, but fast semi's and autos will feel more like the .30 cal power the b-17 crew memebers used.

what you do is this: 1 man drives, gun optional. 1 man sits shotgun and navigates, gun optional. 1 man stands through the sunroof with a semi or full auto gun to serve as a top turrent, 2 crewmembers sit in the back seat and serve as waist gunners, one (or two) crew members sit in the trunk with the glass hatch open and serve as tailgunners.

Walla! you have yourself a B-17 land warrior. If your SUV is havily raised, you can strap your buddy under the suv to serve as a tailgunner, although i dont recommend it (unless its someone you hate).

Now, the next time on of these enemy organizations decides to throw something stupid at your house, you can just pull into their driveway with your B-17 and light their faces up!!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------ELFSTOMPER

30.04.02 - whacked true shite - reptillikus

Did you know.........
1 It is impossible to lick your elbow.
2 A crocodile can't stick it's tongue out.
3 A shrimp's heart is in their head.
4 People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a mili-second.
5 In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand (or attempted to do so - apart from Bones ).
6 It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
7 A pregnant goldfish is called a twit
8 Between 1937 and 1945 Heinz produced a version of Alphabetti Spaghetti especially for the German market that consisted solely of little pasta swastikas.
9 On average, a human being will have sex more than 3,000 times and spend two weeks kissing in their lifetime.
10 More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
11 Rats and horses can't vomit.
12 The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
13 If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib.
14 If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.
15 If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.
16 Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.
17 Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
18 If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
19 In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
20 The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
21 Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
22 A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
23 In the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping, eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.
24 Most lipstick contains fish scales.
25 Cat's urine glows under a black-light.
26 Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different
27 Over 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow

Heres another tidbit that i think is kinda funny, in a why-are-people-so-fucking-stupid kinda way

Subject: annual "Stella" award
Do you ever wonder why there are so many lawyer jokes? Where do they get the morons for these juries or the judges? Ever since a jury ordered McDonald's to pay more than $2m damages to 81-year-old Stella Liebeeck after she spilled coffee and scalded herself, the annual "Stella" award has been granted to the person who successfully brings the most ridiculous lawsuit in the US. There are already plenty to choose from this year.

*Carl Truman, of Los Angeles, won $74,000 and medical expenses from a neighbor who drove his car over Truman's hand. Truman was lying on the ground, out of sight, stealing the hubcaps.

*Burglar Terrence Dickson, from Pennsylvania, lived for eight days on Pepsi and dry dog biscuits after a faulty electric door trapped him in the garage of the home he had just robbed. The homeowner was ordered to pay $500,000 for Dickson's mental anguish.

*Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 after being bitten by a beagle chained in its owner's yard. Williams had climbed into the yard and was shooting the beagle with a pellet gun. *A Philadelphia restaurant had to pay $113,500 to Amber Carson after she injured herself by slipping on a can she had thrown on the floor during an argument with her boyfriend.

And, la piece de resistance...
*Kara Walton, of Delaware, won $12,000 and dental expenses from a nightclub after falling from a bathroom window. The accident happened as she was trying to climb through the window to avoid paying the $3.50 entrance fee.

08.04.02 - part2 - reptillikus

Friday:
The Trip Up:
Left to go around 1030. Basically uneventful, excpet for the hour of bumper-to-bumper traffic we were stuck in when we got to the GWB. Otherwise, it was a nice trip up, connecticut was one long freeway in the woods, and looked cool as hell, too. It ended up taking us five hours to get to our hotel. Nice hotel, too. We were staying about 2 miles from the palladium, which made it even better.
The Festival, Part One:
Lets see, where to start...
First off, Masachusetts apparently does not believe in security measures AT ALL. Walk in, hand in ticket, get 2-day bracelet, get alcodol bracelet, continue walking. Upon re-entry (only allowed until 8pm), you show your 2-day bracelet. Nothing else! No searches, no pat-downs, and no care whatsoever about wallet chains! It was amazing!
So anyway, in we go. First stop, the miniature second floor above (sorta off to the right side) the second stage, where the vendors where. Now, the only bad thing about this venue is the small amount of room the vendors get. The NJ Metal fest easily has 3-4 times as many vendors, which obviously means more cool obscure shit will be found. I walked out of there with only eight cds, three free samplers, two posters, and two shirts.
Shit I Got:
Most of what i bought i probably could have found in Vintage Vinyl, seeing as that store is the shit, but they were cheaper here, and no tax either, so its worth it.
the list:
Skinlab - reVolting Room sampler (free)
Nuclear Blast's Defcon One 2002 sampler (free)
Lifeless Records sampler (also free)
Soilwork - Natural Born Chaos poster (album cover)
Arch Enemy - cool poster (not album specific)
...And Oceans - Morphogenesis <-demo 'Mare Liberum', plus 3 live tracks from '99
Deranged - Rated-X [+9] <-included two mini-cds as bonus tracks
Deranged - Deranged
Disinter - Welcome to Oblivion
Rapture - Futile (think Brave Murder Day by Katatonia, and youre close)
Soilwork - Natural Born Chaos
Summoning - Let Mortal Heroes Sing Your Fame (newest cd)
Theory In Practice - Colonizing the Sun (new cd)
I bought a cool arch enemy long sleeve for the song 'the First Deadly Sin', and yet another In Flames shirt. They had some weird designs this time around.
The Festival, Part Two:
Bring shit back out to the truck, and got back inside! It was actually kinda cold out friday and saturday, but nice sunday (figures).
The only band i saw on second stage on friday was November's Doom. They were pretty good, too. Mainstage was where the action was all weekend. I missed Kataklysm, a band cancelled, and they swapped some bands around, so they ended up being on while we were eating in the palladium's pizza shop, cleverly located next-to, yet still outside, of the palladium. For the rest of the night, we stayed on mainstage, and saw Incantation, Dark Funeral (who dedicated a brutal song to osama bin laden), Arch Enemy, and Cannibal Corpse.
During Dark Funeral, i met a couple in their thirties who live in Plainfield NJ. Small world, aint it?
Arch Enemy played a fucking amazing set, god they were so good its hard to describe it. Go see them now! They were right on for every song, and even Angela was sounding great, despite that throat infection she got back in the winter. I must say, its kinda odd seeing a chick growl/scream like that on stage. They played for almost an hour...um, lets see, they played 'Burning Angel', 'Ravenous', 'Savage Messiah', 'Beast of Man', 'Enemy Within', and a couple more, but i cant remember what anymore. The show was intense, and the floor was fucking crazy. Definitely one of the craziest ive ever witnessed/felt.
Cannibal Corpse (yeah yeah, shut the hell up) played a good set as well. As soon as they played 'Stripped, Raped and Strangled', dawn nearly ripped my shirt off as she grabbed me to pull me back down to the floor. They played for easily an hour, and included (in no particular order) 'Savage Butchery', 'Dormant Bodies Bursting', Compelled to Lacerate', 'Pounded Into Dust' (i think), 'Unleashing the Bloodthirsty', 'I Will Kill You', 'Disposal of the Body', 'Devoured by Vermin', 'Stripped, Raped and Strangled', 'Hammer Smashed Face', 'I Cum Blood', and a couple others that i cant remember.
Afterwards:
Back to the hotel! Some drinking, lotsa noise, and didnt attempt to go to sleep until around 330. Ed got drunk during the show, and continued to do so afterwards as well. he got adam plastered beyond belief, who eventualy 'lost it' around 230. Ed is fucking funny as HELL when he's drinking.

08.04.02 - part3 - reptillikus

Saturday:
Me, dawn and Ed woke up around 1230. I went next door to find Nikki up, but (Naturally) keith/adam nearly comatose. We didnt actually leave the hotel until around 330. Dont ask what we did, cause it wasnt much other than hang out. Went to one of the crappiest Dunkin Donuts youve ever seen, and then started making our way to the show. At one point in time, Ed climbed out the back window of the truck to go bar hopping/exploring. We ran into him later on inside.
The Festival, Part Three:
Made one last trip around the place looking for cool shit to buy. This is when i got my posters and in flames shirt. Met up with ed here, and after everyone was done checking the tables, we made a trip outside to put everything in the truck, and went back inside for the remainder. I caught most of Scar Culture's set, but they were on stage two, and their guitar sound fucking SUCKED hardcore. Said fuck it, and didnt catch anyone else on stage two.
Mainstage: Saw Pessimist, who put on a great set. Then came Lamb of God. They played a decent show as well. Left to go see Scar Culture, and came back, epecting to see Throwdown on stage, but they mustve dropped or something, cause Deeds of Flesh was on. Funny, i thought they had a second guitarist, but i guess not. They played a good set, and they even dedicated a song to the total annihilation of the middle-east. Nothing like brutal death metal to get ya goin. While they were on stage, i just happened to notice a certain lead guitarist roaming around- i got to shake hands with and talk to Bjõrn Gelotte of In Flames!!!!
God Forbid was next. They played a great set, and even played a new, as-yet-not-officially-titled song, currently known as 'Force Fed'. Fucking great song. I think the days of hardcore-styled songs for this band are soon coming to an end. Poison the Well came on next. Band=above average hardcore. vocalist=teh ghey. Next up, Overcast. Same vocalist as Shadow's Fall. Cant mistake that head of dredlocks. They were pretty good, they definitely have talent, and the crowd was very much into them. (theyre from mass.)Their set seemed long as hell, but maybe it was because of who was on next. To the floor for....SOILWORK!!!!!
This was only their second show ever in the u.s., but man was the crowd psyched. I know i was, as well as everyone around us, too. While we were standing there waiting for them to go on, some kid comes up to make yet another comment on my shirt (At the Gates - With Fear...longlseeve, shit, he was like the 6-7th to say something). He was sporting the ever-elusive chainheart longsleeve. Killer shirt. So we're talking to him for a few. Turns out it was his 19th birthday, and he took a 20 hour bus trip (alone!) just to see these guys. Believe me, it was worth it. Shortly after this, i almost got into a fight with some drunk fuck who walked right into dawn (among others), and then proceeded to (attempt) to yell at her for it. Fucking asshole. Tried to start shit with me for throwing him back, but finally got a clue and walked away. Apparently other people in the crowd were pissed at him, too. Damn. I coulda started a riot. Oh well. Cant miss Soilwork.
Shortly after they came on. And let me tell ya, they were fucking AMAZING! They opened with 'Follow the Hollow', and played 'As We Speak', 'The Flameout' (closer), 'Blackstar Deciever', 'The Bringer', 'Bastard Chain', 'Like the Average Stalker', 'Needlefeast', 'A Predator's Portrait' (i think, cant remember), 'Neurotica Rampage' (i think), 'The Chainheart Machine', and 'Millionflame'. It felt like they were on-stage for like 15 minutes, but it was closer to an hour.
Up next was Nile. We took a break from being on the floor, and went up into the balcony to see them. They were awesome. I remember hearing 'Black Seeds of Vengeance', 'Barra Edinazu', 'The Howling of the Jinn', 'Ramses, Bringer of War', 'Chapter for Transforming Into A Snake', and a couple others. They also played a new one, called, um, uh, fuck, what was it? 'The Blessed Dark'. Yeah, thats it. Good stuff. Cant wait to hear the whole album later in the year.
Up next, IN FLAMES!
Man, i never get tired of seeing these guys live. Theyre soooo much better on stage. Fuck! They 'opened' the set with that weird Austin Powers song, and then came out and played 'Bullet Ride'. Also, 'Pinball Map', 'Only for the Weak', 'Clay Man', 'Embody the Invisible', 'Ordinary Story', 'Scorn', 'Colony', 'Behind Space', 'Clad In Shadows', 'Artifacts of the Black Rain', 'Gyroscope', and 'Episode 666'. Im sure they played a couple more as well. The crowd went fucking insane during the show. Afterwards, too, but they never came back out to play an encore. Dammit!
Afterwards:
Back at the hotel, the insanity begins! We got there at 145, and we had to set the clocks forward at 2, so we automatically lost an hour. Didnt really matter anyway, seeing as none of us even attempted to get to sleep until 730 sunday morning. Did i mention that Ed's absolutely hysterical when he's drinking? So anyway, go to sleep at 730, get up at 1130 to leave. Adam had a bus to catch at 710, it was 2 1/2+ hours from his house, and we had at least four hours of travelling ahead of us, which meant we had to leave by noon latest. We were on the road by 1230, and hit SOOO much traffic at the GWB that we didnt get back to adams house until around 5-530. And i still needed to shower! Argh! Leave from his after about a half-hour, dropped off ed, headed to dawns.
End.